Flattery will not necessarily get you everywhere, but it might get you a cookie

I was recently lamenting the fact that all the clothes I own right now make me look like a mom, and a friend of mine responded with the nicest compliment I've had in a while: she called me a MILF. I'm pretty sure she didn't mean it literally. Nevertheless, the suggestion that I'm a mom somebody might like to fuck, even in a strictly hypothetical and impersonal sense, is verrrrry appealing. It totally made my day. Next time I see her I am going to bake her some cookies because I am domestic and stuff, and yes, because I am THAT grateful.

Why, exactly, is it so gratifying to have it insinuated that a respectable-looking and happily-married gal such as myself might be a fun partner for the horizontal hula? Before I had kids I would have found it mildly insulting. Now I'm a full-time mommy. My job is not sexy. Not at all. I don't wear makeup or get dressed up & go out to nice places very often. I spend most of my time wearing clothes that are utilitarian and, for the most part unflattering, but they're comfortable for playing on the floor and I don't mind getting dirt, paint, food or poo on them. Mommies have to put function before fashion, which pretty much guarantees that frumpiness is an occupational hazard for us.

Now, before I go any further I should tell you that I do have a fantastic, amazing, rockin' awesome husband and I don't want to leave anyone with the impression that he is falling down on the job or anything. Of course he makes me feel beautiful and sexy and appreciated, as he has for going on twelve spectacular years. On the other hand, on a typical day we end up with an hour or so of "us" time after the kids are asleep, while the rest of my waking hours and often a good portion of my sleeping hours are devoted to my extremely unsexy job.

To put that into perspective for any childless readers tuning in, I spend the equivalent of one and a half full-time jobs on duty and the rest of the time on call. I spend the vast majority of that time preparing food for people who may or may not eat it, cleaning things that will most likely get messy again right away, handling the complex and ever-changing logistics of getting the kids ready to go out, taking them places that we may or may not have to leave right away due to somebody having a meltdown, reading the same books over and over and over and over again, cleaning up various bodily fluids, and wondering how many more days it will be before I have a chance to take a shower again. If I'm lucky, my day ends when I go to sleep.

I'm also extremely fortunate to get to stay home and parent two of the most amazing people I've ever met, and I wouldn't give it up for anything. Every day is an adventure and a challenge, and I'm constantly learning new and amazing things about the world and about myself, thanks to my children. My job is awesome. But like I said, it's not sexy. Like many other professionals who are intensely committed to and engaged in their work, full-time moms often have a hard time separating their personal identities from their job descriptions. It's easy for us to forget that somewhere under the layer of grime, the sweatpants and the shapeless baby-food-stained t-shirt, we're still young, intelligent, energetic and interesting. And, yes, still smokin' hot. We need reminders occasionally.

So to all of you mommies out there: know that I think you are amazing and strong and gorgeous, even if you don't always feel it.

To my husband and the wonderful friends who make it a point to remind me that I still got it, even if I can't always remember where I left it: I can't tell you how much that means to me. Thank you. Don't stop.

To the rest of you: if you have a friend who's a mom, find something nice to compliment her about. Don't make it up, and don't just say "hey, have you lost weight?" because she will see right through that. Take a good look and find something to say about what makes her beautiful. Or, if you know her really well, maybe just start the conversation with something like "hey there, Hot Stuff!" or "lookin' gooooood, Mama!" It will make her day. And you never know...there might be a cookie in it for you.