Flattery will not necessarily get you everywhere, but it might get you a cookie

I was recently lamenting the fact that all the clothes I own right now make me look like a mom, and a friend of mine responded with the nicest compliment I've had in a while: she called me a MILF. I'm pretty sure she didn't mean it literally. Nevertheless, the suggestion that I'm a mom somebody might like to fuck, even in a strictly hypothetical and impersonal sense, is verrrrry appealing. It totally made my day. Next time I see her I am going to bake her some cookies because I am domestic and stuff, and yes, because I am THAT grateful.

Why, exactly, is it so gratifying to have it insinuated that a respectable-looking and happily-married gal such as myself might be a fun partner for the horizontal hula? Before I had kids I would have found it mildly insulting. Now I'm a full-time mommy. My job is not sexy. Not at all. I don't wear makeup or get dressed up & go out to nice places very often. I spend most of my time wearing clothes that are utilitarian and, for the most part unflattering, but they're comfortable for playing on the floor and I don't mind getting dirt, paint, food or poo on them. Mommies have to put function before fashion, which pretty much guarantees that frumpiness is an occupational hazard for us.

Now, before I go any further I should tell you that I do have a fantastic, amazing, rockin' awesome husband and I don't want to leave anyone with the impression that he is falling down on the job or anything. Of course he makes me feel beautiful and sexy and appreciated, as he has for going on twelve spectacular years. On the other hand, on a typical day we end up with an hour or so of "us" time after the kids are asleep, while the rest of my waking hours and often a good portion of my sleeping hours are devoted to my extremely unsexy job.

To put that into perspective for any childless readers tuning in, I spend the equivalent of one and a half full-time jobs on duty and the rest of the time on call. I spend the vast majority of that time preparing food for people who may or may not eat it, cleaning things that will most likely get messy again right away, handling the complex and ever-changing logistics of getting the kids ready to go out, taking them places that we may or may not have to leave right away due to somebody having a meltdown, reading the same books over and over and over and over again, cleaning up various bodily fluids, and wondering how many more days it will be before I have a chance to take a shower again. If I'm lucky, my day ends when I go to sleep.

I'm also extremely fortunate to get to stay home and parent two of the most amazing people I've ever met, and I wouldn't give it up for anything. Every day is an adventure and a challenge, and I'm constantly learning new and amazing things about the world and about myself, thanks to my children. My job is awesome. But like I said, it's not sexy. Like many other professionals who are intensely committed to and engaged in their work, full-time moms often have a hard time separating their personal identities from their job descriptions. It's easy for us to forget that somewhere under the layer of grime, the sweatpants and the shapeless baby-food-stained t-shirt, we're still young, intelligent, energetic and interesting. And, yes, still smokin' hot. We need reminders occasionally.

So to all of you mommies out there: know that I think you are amazing and strong and gorgeous, even if you don't always feel it.

To my husband and the wonderful friends who make it a point to remind me that I still got it, even if I can't always remember where I left it: I can't tell you how much that means to me. Thank you. Don't stop.

To the rest of you: if you have a friend who's a mom, find something nice to compliment her about. Don't make it up, and don't just say "hey, have you lost weight?" because she will see right through that. Take a good look and find something to say about what makes her beautiful. Or, if you know her really well, maybe just start the conversation with something like "hey there, Hot Stuff!" or "lookin' gooooood, Mama!" It will make her day. And you never know...there might be a cookie in it for you.

What to write about?

No idea.





*thinking*





*scratching head*





*pouring more wine*





*thinking some more*





*getting a snack*





*thinking some more*





Still no idea. Maybe sleep will help.

Good night!

Priorities

Before I had kids, and occasionally in between having kids, I studied, performed and taught Raqs as-Sharqi...a.k.a. bellydance. It's a lot of fun and a great workout. In fact, it's really the only athletic pursuit I've ever stuck with for any length of time. Over the years it has also led me to explore a lot of other interesting things like henna art, drumming and two semesters of Arabic language study. Performing at restaurants, private parties, wedding receptions and other venues has given me the opportunity to work with and get to know the local Middle Eastern communities, which has been a great cultural education and further solidified my long-held conviction that under the thin outer layer of local custom and cultural protocol, people are all pretty much the same everywhere.

Anyway, I'm posting about this today to motivate myself to get my bootie out of the house so I can go shake it at dance class this afternoon. My friend Tina Enheduanna teaches in Laguna Hills on Sunday afternoons and one of my New Year's resolutions was to go take her class as often as possible. I was originally picturing "as often as possible" meaning every week. So far I've made it to three classes since 2010 began, which averages out to about every other week, which is still pretty good. I'd like to work my way up to every week but things keep coming up, like my house needing to be cleaned, being exhausted, some or all of my household being under the weather, events we want to take the kids to at the same time, etc., etc.

Once upon a time, I would have made it to dance class, troupe rehearsal or the dance workshop of the week come hell or high water. Most of my social circle was connected to the local dance community. Now my ability & willingness to go to class is conditional on not being needed at home, and I have lost touch with a lot of the lovely ladies with whom I used to dance. I miss them. A lot. And I miss dancing. And being in shape.

I know (or at least I hope) every parent goes through the same radical shift in perspective when their kids are born, but it still amazes me how complete the change in priorities can be. Being completely depended on by someone else for survival, it's easy to shove everything else to the back burner. As a species, we're adapted (or designed, if you prefer) to do this when necessary. Obviously it has worked out really well for us, seeing as we are the dominant species on the planet and everything. Fortunately, we're also a highly social species, which means that mommies don't have to do EVERYTHING for EVERYBODY ALL the time because other people can help. And it also means we need friends, like the ones I'm going to hang out with this afternoon at dance class.

So I guess my priorities for today are clear.

BTW, if you are in the South OC and are interested in bellydance classes, Tina is awesome. Check out her website. For those of you in the Costa Mesa/Newport area, check out Lilla Varese, another good friend and excellent dance teacher.

Hi.

Welcome to my blog. It's brand new. I'm not sure what I'm going to write about yet. I will try to think of some things to say that are interesting and funny and awesome but I will also write lots of stuff that's boring and crazy and TMI. I'm okay with that because I'm writing it for me, not you. Okay, it's for you, too, a little.

Who am I, you ask? My name is Lauren and for the moment I'm a full-time mom in South Orange County, CA. That's right, THE OC. And, honestly, I'm the last person who should be living here, but more about that later. My kids are two and five, and I haven't decided yet whether they will be referred to by name in my posts or whether I will follow the blogging convention of assigning them entertaining nicknames to protect their anonymity. So more about them later, too. My husband is a software engineer in the PC game industry and, more importantly, a rockin' hubby and super dad. Seriously, he's awesome. More about him later, also.

Why am I blogging? Well, there are a few things I hope to accomplish with my blog. Once upon a time before having kids, I worked as a tech writer. Before that, I wrote a lot of poetry in my spare time and took creative writing classes when it suited me. I like writing and I find that it helps me sort the ideas that are jumbled up in my brain into some sort of order. Sometimes writing about one thing helps me sort out some totally unrelated part of the jumble, which is neat. So that's reason #1: therapy. Reason #2 is mental exercise. While the stay-at-home mommy gig is wonderful for everybody and gives me precious time with my kids that I will cherish forever and all that, it just doesn't provide the same level of mental stimulation as having a job where one gets to interact with grownups on a daily basis; as a result I kind of feel like I'm losing my edge intellectually. Making an effort to come up with interesting things to say and to frame my thoughts in a way that might be appealing to other adults is something I haven't been doing enough lately. Plus, it pays to stay in shape when it comes to stuff like punctuation and sentence structure, because you never know when it will come in handy. Reason #3 is that when I force myself to be disciplined about writing I find that it makes it easier to be disciplined in areas like housework and gardening and other things that I am worse at and enjoy less than writing.

Enjoy. Leave comments. Or be bored and leave. Whatever. Blog you later!